DBT SKILLS FOR “THE SUNDAY SCARIES”
You know them, you certainly don’t love them—the “Sunday scaries” have become a familiar experience in many of our lives. As weekends come to a close, the mental ticker tape to-do list starts running in our mind again (if it ever stopped), and stress, worry, and dread interrupt otherwise enjoyable evenings. These feelings can arrive almost like clockwork, leading to frustration, rumination, and avoidance. If you’re feeling exhausted by this cycle and looking for more effective ways to cope, consider integrating DBT skills into your end-of-weekend routine. Dialectical Behavior Therapy offers relief through mindfulness and emotional regulation practices that can help you decompress, relax, and feel empowered to take on the week ahead.
Commit to Boundary Setting
Challenge yourself to set healthy boundaries around work so that your rest time is protected and able to be as restorative as possible. You may not have a job that allows you to completely step away from emails and task management on weekends. Consider confining work-related tasks to a limited window of time (i.e. an hour or two on Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning) so that the last precious weekend hours feel like yours to spend as you please.
If you find yourself worrying about how others at work might interpret or react to your boundaries, practice communicating them clearly and firmly when needed. Remember, we may be tempted to loosen our boundaries to try to manage others’ feelings towards or perceptions of us. This can lead us to re-negotiate them again and again, sometimes growing resentful as we neglect our needs. Aim to make compromising your boundaries an uncommon exception, rather than a regular occurrence. There may be times when it is necessary and appropriate to adjust your boundaries around weekend work, consider these very thoughtfully.
Coping Ahead
Sometimes, the Sunday scaries will have us ruminating over everyday tasks and “what if?” work scenarios, but other times they are exacerbated by very real stressors on the horizon. If anticipating stressful deadlines or demanding work events is keeping you from enjoying weekend activities, consider setting aside time to practice Coping Ahead. After mentally walking yourself through the stressful event, checking the facts, and taking note of emotions that arise, you can thoughtfully anticipate your needs and commit to concrete ways of supporting yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally when things get tough at work.
Resist Multitasking and Engage in “Flow State” Activities
When practicing mindfulness, we strive to be fully present with our surroundings, our bodies, and any activity/task we engage with. This means resisting the pull of distractions and the urge to multitask, which can be incredibly challenging! You have probably noticed that the combination of watching TV, checking your inbox, and doomscrolling on social media often does not lend itself to meaningful relaxation. Spend some time exploring potential “flow state” activities, which can be enjoyable and/or useful activities that draw your full focus for a period of time. This mindful engagement can provide some temporary relief from racing thoughts, giving way to focus, pleasure, or a sense of productivity or accomplishment. Some examples of flow state activities:
Immersing yourself in a good book
Cooking a comforting meal, maybe with leftovers for busier work days
Working on a crossword or another type of puzzle
Organizing your closet and laying out clothes for Monday morning
Artistic/crafty activities like crochet, drawing, clay, watercolor, etc.
Putting on a playlist you love and tidying up, stretching, dancing
Mindfulness and the Five Senses
Explore a variety of mindful practices that help you slow down and ground yourself towards the end of the day. These can include mindful movement activities, such as an evening walk to release excess energy, or a stretching routine to bring awareness to your body. Practicing breathwork has innumerable benefits for regulating the body and emotions. If you are new to meditation (and maybe skeptical), try out different types to see what you best connect with—there are tons of apps, YouTube channels, Spotify playlists, and other resources available to support your practice while you get comfortable with it.
Consider different ways to engage your five senses through pleasurable and relaxing stimuli. This can come in the form of evening activities and bedtime rituals, or small but impactful changes to your home environment. Some ideas include:
Switching off bright overhead lights in favor of softer lamps
Reducing screen use later in the evening to give your eyes a rest (put your phone on “do not disturb” to help you disconnect)
Bringing in soothing scents (candles, room sprays, fresh eucalyptus, scented body products, incense, etc)
Create a playlist of wind-down music (Youtube can be a good resource for this if you don’t know where to start!)
Prepare some (non-caffeinated!) tea or another yummy beverage in the evening after dinner, or enjoy a small comforting snack
Relax your body with a hot or cool shower
Change into soft, comfortable clothing that is designated for relaxing/sleep
Treat yourself to soothing self massage (focusing on tense and tender areas with gentle pressure)
Curl up with a cozy blanket, maybe with your pet if you have one!
